PUNISHMENT

PUNISHMENT

Effective discipline helps children learn to control their behavior so that they act according to their ideas of what is right and wrong, not because they fear punishment. For example, they are honest because they think it is wrong to be dishonest, not because they are afraid of getting caught.

The purpose of punishment is to stop a child from doing what you don't want - and using a painful or unpleasant method to stop him.

There are basically four kinds of punishment

• physical punishment - slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, and using a belt or hair brush.
• verbal punishment - shaming, ridiculing, using cruel words, saying "I don't love you."
• withholding rewards - "You can't watch TV if you don't do your homework."
• penalties - "You broke the window so you will have to pay for it with money from your allowance."

The first two kinds of punishment, physical and verbal, are not considered to be effective discipline methods. The other two, withholding rewards and giving penalties, can be used either as effective discipline methods or as punishment - depending on how parents administer them.

Physical punishment usually doesn't work for several reasons. First, it makes the child hate himself and others. Physical punishment makes the child think that there must be something awfully wrong with him to be treated so badly. If children think they are "bad," then they will act "bad." A vicious cycle is formed. The child who has been treated harshly has no reason to be good. Or he may be good just to keep from being punished and not learn to be good because he thinks it is the right thing to do.

Children who have been spanked feel that they have paid for their misbehavior and are free to misbehave again. In other words, spanking frees the child from feelings of remorse which are needed to prevent future misbehavior.

Parents who use physical punishment are setting an example of using violence to settle problems or solve conflicts, Children imitate their parents' behavior. When parents use physical punishment, children are more likely to use violent acts to settle their conflicts with others.

Another disadvantage of using physical punishment is that parents have to find other discipline methods when the child becomes as tall and as strong as the parent! Why not start using effective discipline methods when the child is young?

 Where reward and punishment focus on the child, encouragement and reality discipline target the act. Reward and punishment teaches the child to be "good" as long as we are looking. When rewards are our chief way of motivating children we run the risk of creating "carrot seekers": children who are always looking for and expecting a reward every time they do something good or right. If we give a child money for making his bed this week, he'll wonder where his money is next week. Instead of being self-motivated by a desire to cooperate or help other family members, we have taught the child to look to us for his source of motivation.

Effective Discipline . . .

• Helps the child learn self-control
• Can be used with teenagers
• Builds the child's self-esteem
• Sets a good example of effective ways to solve problems.

Harsh Punishment . . .

• Teaches the child to deceive parents
• Won't work with teenagers
• Tears down self-esteem
• Teaches the child that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems.