MATURITY

MATURITY

         Based on a broad study of the Old Testament and the concentrated study of Proverbs, it is clear that maturity is characterized by 3 elements: self-control, wisdom, and responsibility, which can be defined as follows:

• Self-control: not being ruled by passions, emotions, desires, wishes, or curiosity; freedom from having to do what one feels like doing; the ability to choose and do what is right; fosters the selflessness necessary to love others.
• Wisdom: understanding; insight; ability to learn from experience; ability to make sound decisions; handling stressful problems with a level head; possible only when not ruled by passions (self-controlled).
• Responsibility: accepting personal accountability for one’s own actions, as well as faithful and conscientious work habits; such integrity and reliability are possible only when not ruled by passions (self-controlled).
• How is maturity developed?
  
  
       Maturity is rooted primarily in self-control which, in turn, facilitates growth in wisdom and responsibility.  The most basic objective of training children, therefore, is the subduing of their self-will.  From the time children are born, parents must develop in them the ability to say “NO” to their own desires and “YES” to their parents.  That is why parental control of young children is imperative.  A child who learns to deny his own desires and submit to his parent’s controls, gains inner controls.  Children are born into the world self-centered, and so must be trained from infancy that the world does not revolve around them.  They must learn that life will not always give them their way.
  
  
       The child whose will is never subdued when young, comes to believe that he should have what he wants, when he wants it, and should not have to endure anything he does not like.  He will grow older thinking he is being deprived whenever he does not get what he wants from life, and by his teen years he will become preoccupied with his “rights” and know little of personal responsibility.  The indulged child is frequently angry because he does not get what he thinks is owed him. Ultimately, he will develop a “victim” mentality—nothing is ever his fault—someone else is always to blame for his misery.
  
  
       Some parents believe that maturity is an inevitable part of growing up and will happen naturally to all children, whether trained or not. Proper rearing of children, in their view, requires only that a parent love them, take them to church, and try to give them a happy childhood.  To them, maturity is a guaranteed byproduct of getting older, so they do little to help the process, and without realizing it—much to hurt it.  All children, unless calamity occurs, will grow older, but only those groomed toward maturity will attain it.  Hence, as parents, we must work diligently to help our children develop the qualities leading to maturity.
• 
  
• characterizes immaturity
    To further clarify the definition of maturity, we must understand immaturity.  The child whose will is not subdued in the first few years of life is hampered in the maturing process.  No matter how old he gets, a strong self-will ruled by the craving for self-indulgence will be the mark of his immaturity.  Sadly, this self-indulgence characterizes most children today—even in Christian families.  As caring parents it is especially important for us to identify and eliminate that in our child-rearing which feeds the will and fosters self-indulgence in our children.