EMOTIONAL MATURITY
Emotional maturity means, in essence, controlling your
emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you. That does not mean
we should hide or repress our emotions, though we can use muscle relaxation,
yoga, guided imagery and other relaxation tools to reduce their intensity. As a
cognitive-behavioral therapist, I believe our thoughts, in conjunction with our
environment, create our emotions. Fortunately, we can control our thoughts by
becoming aware of our negative and inaccurate beliefs and ideas.
Our
brains will believe anything we tell them. If you tell your brain that you are
in danger (physically, emotionally or psychologically), it reacts as if you are
sliding face first down a mountain. If you replace negative, irrational,
self-limiting thoughts with accurate, empowering and more adaptive thoughts, your
emotional control will improve dramatically. What does that mean? It means that
your relationships improve, you feel in control and happy, you like yourself
more, and you are more likely to reach your life goals.
Here’s a great list of
practical how-to’s from Enhancing Children's Emotional Development In essence, it’s
facilitating someone to handle their emotions by processing them together.
1.
Help the children gain
an understanding of their feelings through the use of … interactive
storytelling or role-plays.
2.
Teach children to
identify and verbalize their feelings, as well as to read the emotional signals
from other children and adults.
3.
Watch a child’s facial
expressions, posture, play or art work for signs that a child is experiencing a
strong negative emotion. Then offer constructive ways to defuse it…
4.
Accept emotional
responses as legitimate, even if you don’t like the behavior the feeling
produces.
5.
Communicate
understanding and empathy by reflecting the observed emotion.
6.
Observe the child’s
nonverbal behavior for clues as to how he or she is feeling.
7.
Avoid negative
statements like, “Can’t you do anything right?” or “What’s your problem?”
8.
Avoid moralizing,
humiliating, lecturing, denying, pitying, and rescuing. Instead, listen
patiently and nod your head appropriately.
9.
Problem solve with the
child by encouraging him or her to think of options and decide what
constructive action to take.
10.
Keep lines of
communication open.
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