DESTRUCTIVENESS

First of all, it’s important to make absolutely certain that the breakage associated with our child’s play is truly destructive.  If we unwittingly place considerable value on neatness, orderliness, and the ultra-proper care of playthings, we may be applying the wrong label to our child’s activities.  Children are often so inept and disorganized that breakage frequently occurs on an honestly accidental basis. The way to distinguish between this and destructiveness is ain terms of two factors-namely, the frequency of the response and the emotional quality of it.  Although both these characteristics may stand out simultaneously, generally one or the other, depending on the situation, is sufficient to be indicative. More or less constant breakage-for example that which occurs on a daily basis-may be diagnosed as destructive even though the child may look positively angelic and innocent though it all.  Destructive behaviour is even more easily labelled as such when the child’s repose is an obviously angry one.  The most outstanding type of this sort is associated with rage.  There are countless occasions, for example, when a child becomes so frustrated over his own inability to handle something as he would like to that he finally smashes it to the ground in sheer anger.  Perhaps just as common is the case where the child becomes equally frustrated over some parental restriction.

Another common source of destructiveness may be found in the self-assertive envy a child manifests from time to time. Tom, for example, is envious of Joe’s ability to build a huge tower of blocks.  Finding himself unable to do the same, he turns angrily, not on Joe, but on his proud edifice, and he asserts himself by reducing it to a shambles.  Needless to say, this type of destructiveness is frequently directed toward other children themselves rather than merely to their playthings.  Finally there are some children who develop jealous possessiveness to a degree which prompts them occasionally to be destructive also.  This attitude simply stated amounts to, ’I won’t share. It’s mine or no one’s.

In the final analysis, anything we do to improve the child’s ability to get along with others and our ability to get along with him will reduce his need for destructive behaviour. Sharing more of our life with our child on his terms rather than merely ours will make him feel loved, wanted, and confident.  Helping to solidify his friendships by a little participation on our part will help effect the same results.  The more confidence he feels, the less will he be given to rage, envy, and possession