DESTRUCTIVENESS
First of all, it’s important to make absolutely certain that
the breakage associated with our child’s play is truly destructive. If we unwittingly place considerable value on
neatness, orderliness, and the ultra-proper care of playthings, we may be
applying the wrong label to our child’s activities. Children are often so inept and disorganized
that breakage frequently occurs on an honestly accidental basis. The way to
distinguish between this and destructiveness is ain terms of two factors-namely,
the frequency of the response and the emotional quality of it. Although both these characteristics may stand
out simultaneously, generally one or the other, depending on the situation, is
sufficient to be indicative. More or less constant breakage-for example that
which occurs on a daily basis-may be diagnosed as destructive even though the
child may look positively angelic and innocent though it all. Destructive behaviour is even more easily
labelled as such when the child’s repose is an obviously angry one. The most outstanding type of this sort is
associated with rage. There are
countless occasions, for example, when a child becomes so frustrated over his
own inability to handle something as he would like to that he finally smashes
it to the ground in sheer anger. Perhaps
just as common is the case where the child becomes equally frustrated over some
parental restriction.
Another common source of
destructiveness may be found in the self-assertive envy a child manifests from
time to time. Tom, for example, is envious of Joe’s ability to build a huge
tower of blocks. Finding himself unable
to do the same, he turns angrily, not on Joe, but on his proud edifice, and he
asserts himself by reducing it to a shambles.
Needless to say, this type of destructiveness is frequently directed
toward other children themselves rather than merely to their playthings. Finally there are some children who develop
jealous possessiveness to a degree which prompts them occasionally to be
destructive also. This attitude simply
stated amounts to, ’I won’t share. It’s mine or no one’s.
In the final analysis, anything we do to improve the
child’s ability to get along with others and our ability to get along with him
will reduce his need for destructive behaviour. Sharing more of our life with
our child on his terms rather than merely ours will make him feel loved,
wanted, and confident. Helping to
solidify his friendships by a little participation on our part will help effect
the same results. The more confidence he
feels, the less will he be given to rage, envy, and possession
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